I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
