I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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