i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
