Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
bring money and cleavage
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
