I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
