My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
