ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
