You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
then he tried to convert me to islam
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
