Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
