so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
