i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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