I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
