I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
