he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
