i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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