I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
