Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
