Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
