the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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