we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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