sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
