entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
