Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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