I seem to have left my pride at pride
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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