i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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