Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
