remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
