Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
