i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
