:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
