Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
it was like eating out sand paper
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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