so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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