is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Terrible idea I love it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
