what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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