Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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