Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
