just tell him i said nine months
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
