Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
