That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
