your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
someone owes me an orgasm
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
