kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
