So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
