You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
