hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
