either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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