why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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