bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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