whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
