people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
