She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
