Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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