In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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