U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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