New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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