she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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