the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
