take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
