Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
