all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
