Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
