Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
