i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Floor bacon is actually really good
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