What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are we still banned from the library?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
