Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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