we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
