what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
