Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
