My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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