just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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