I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is my gift to your gina
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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