Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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