Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
