All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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