Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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