I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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