Can i not drive my cunt home
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
