Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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