He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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