Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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