"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
