im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
