what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
