Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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