Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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