i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
