I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
